I was recently reading a book on how to play guitar, 100 Guitar Tips You Should Have Been Told by David Mead. The author referred to what he described as the “can’t do” barrier that prevents students from advancing. He states “If something seems impossible at first, there is always a good reason why.” When I read this, I immediately relaxed. What was it about the phrase “there is always a good reason” that was so relieving?

In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck discusses the difference between a fixed or growth mindset. The difference, it seems, is in how we interpret the meaning of our successes and failures. The fixed mindset interprets achievement as a reflection of innate ability whereas a growth mindset interprets achievement as the result of learning. It’s the difference between a trait and a process. While it may be true that people vary in their talents and capabilities, attributing accomplishment exclusively to ability means that you are only as good as your last success, and every failure threatens to condemn you.

As a therapist, I have found that a pervasive underlying problem for many people is the thought “There is something wrong with me.” If we hold this belief deep down, then any difficulty is experienced as evidence that this is true. It is not a big leap from there to the conviction that I “can’t do” it. However, if “there is a reason” why something is difficult, even if I don’t yet know what the reason is, then I become a learner again, who can discover what I don’t yet know.

Tags: healing, Psychotherapy

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